That Time I Made Peace With My Size

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

I am a size 6 and I am proud. You may be thinking that size 6 is not that big and whatever I'm about to say is irrelevant because it's a normal size. You may be right, but I don't think that makes my journey any less credible.

I like to shy away from posting personal things on here because it's a space that I can create to be however I want. In psychology terms, I am constantly using the framing effect on you, my readers. But if we're being honest, my life isn't all pretty clothes, experiences, restaurants and friends - it's growing up and figuring out, living and loving.

I'm a female in the 21st century, so I've had my fair share of body image issues. It didn't help that I grew wider before growing taller. Within the past eight years, I've been five different sizes. Tell me that's not stressful. As a dancer of 14 years, I also spent countless hours in front of a mirror in a skin-tight leotard and tights. But really, it's no wonder dancers have such high rates of eating disorders.

So coming to terms with the fact that I will never be stick-figure skinny enough for a size 2 nor curvy enough for a size 10 has not been a walk in the park...but boy am I happy I did!

image source
  • It started with little things, like motivational phrases, choosing role models based on brains instead of beauty and stopping myself short when I over-analyzed what I ate day after day. Letting go of what was in my regimen and becoming more aware of what my body needed was a huge step, and it didn't happen overnight. But slowly, I began to listen to my body. If it was hungry, I ate. If it wasn't, I wouldn't. If it wanted that slice of cake, I didn't deny it. When it grew tired of processed foods, I ate more vegetables and fruits. The body knows what it wants.

  • I quit stepping on scales, because darnit, those things are a psychological trigger. Muscle weighs more than fat, and dancing 5 out of 7 days of the week wasn't cultivating cellulite. But it was cultivating an exercise routine that I loved and that kept my metabolism at a healthy level. Do what you love and the rest will follow, right?

  • Somewhere in there, I started using positive affirmation. It is so dangerously underrated in this world. I would look myself in the mirror and think, "you look great" even if I wasn't thinking it. And slowly, eventually, it became habit. The amount of sarcasm in my voice didn't matter, because a part of me was being convinced that what I was saying was true. And it was. Some may view it as conceited, and to them I have to say, try it. Perhaps I sound full of myself, but the only thing I'm full of is confidence, and I think that's a pretty great thing. 

  • Most recently, I stopped trying on things in sizes I know won't fit just to see. If it doesn't come in a size 6+, it's not for me, no matter how cute the pattern or how flattering the cut. Like if you have a food allergy, it can look like the best thing in the world, but you're not going to eat it because it makes you uncomfortable and can even be deadly. Why in the world would I put myself through that?

Embracing my size, my body type and my mentality is probably one of the toughest things I will ever do (and continue to do), but it is without a doubt the best accomplishment I have made in my twenty-something life thus far.

XOXO,
Em

Follow on Bloglovin

No Comments Yet, Leave Yours!

Please share your thoughts! Exercising the first amendment is always appreciated in my book.